Within these Boundaries
by Roadblock Malloy
Summary: A few drops of potion were tossed over the lip and landed on the wood of the desk, beginning to sizzle and discolor the finish. The rest of the potion slid down Remus’ eagerly quivering throat. His heart came smashing again and again at his ribcage...


[A/N:  Here's to rabid plot bunnies that bite you when you least expect it.]

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Chapter I

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It's hard to say what can drive a man apart from himself.  It's normally one of two things.  Love, for one…love has yet to be conquered by man.  But guilt does more than love could ever dream.  Guilt eats away your insides like a festering growth, becoming you with every moment…thus turning full-grown men into pawns, in any other case, a pawn to their own desire.  But in this special instance, he was a pawn to something rooted deeper.  He was a pawn to something that lived inside him and was constantly part of him, though rarely making its presence known.

It didn't take a genius to realize that he was trapped…trapped in a web that had been spun around without his sanction and against any of his wishes. The unthinkable lay all too close for comfort at all times.  There would be controversy and there would be lies. It was too much, and yet he had to stay. Though he knew it was only a matter of time. He had to stay for the students, but most of all, for Albus. He couldn't abandon him.  Too few people like Albus existed in this world.  Albus had given him the chance that everyone hopes for.  A life among such greatness would be one he treasured always.  Accepting a cursed position brought on so many new feelings; no matter how high up on a pedestal you put your luck.  Feeling like a prisoner within your own life should never be a factor.  To Remus, even his office felt like a cage.

The office offered little sanctity.  But, being treated like a leper anywhere else created such an appreciation for the small and cold room.  Each wall was bare, pure, hard and cold; in contrast, the shabby little desk in the front of the room was covered with an alarming amount of parchment.  

Livening up the sea of papers was a single framed photograph that waved listlessly.  It was of four boys of about fifteen.  The tallest of the group had pin straight black hair that was tucked behind his ears and wore an expression of utmost smugness, the penetrating smirk of Sirius Black.  The boy on his left was short and somewhat stout.  As usual, Peter Pettigrew was almost fading into the background.  Face unusually pale, his eyebrows seemed to reach up toward his straw colored hair, his eyes wide and surprised.  On Sirius' right stood yet another with raven hair, unmistakably James Potter.  This hair was far from straight, by all means; it looked as if many a comb had been lost at its clutches.  His shimmering azure eyes were bespectacled by rectangular frames.  On the far right, yet another boy stood, slightly shorter than the rest.  His hair was a bit mousy, growing limply over his ears and it was clear that in the back, it was almost touching his shoulders.  This boy held a positively enormous book to his chest, barely visible; it would seem that he himself was hiding behind it.  A meek smile played on his lightly freckled face.  The photograph conveyed such comfort; all four boys were completely at ease with one another.  Just looking at the photo waving back made warmth spread to Remus' bitter expression.

A gray quill poked out from between two stacks of rumpled quizzes, having just been used to mark up the handiwork of seven grades worth of students all praying they had put the right curse with the right counter-curse.  Some were probably even hoping to god that their _neighbor_ had put the right curse with the right counter-curse.  The ink shone from the one on top, a large, red "E" stared back in prominence over the rest of the writing.  
  
For being so young, the man who sat at the desk looked incredibly weatherworn.  Tired lines had begun to appear on his already prematurely aged face. The circles under his eyes only grew with each passing day. Someone would find out. Someone had to find out. He reached a hand up and ran it through the scraggly brown tufts, littered with gray that strayed onto his forehead.  This hand had never bore a wedding ring. It probably never would.  There were just some things that were never meant to be.  Fate had funny ways of twisting its knife.  It wasn't enough to kill someone.  There are worse punishments, after all.    
  
"Lupin," a voice rang from the hallway, greasy and low. Remus turned to find two narrowed eyes peering out from beneath a curtain of almost wet looking black hair.  This man's sallow colored hand was livid, clutching a goblet full of steaming liquid.  The odor was rank and sickening as it wafted through the room.  Once again Remus was to put his life and the lives of others in the hands of someone whom nobody knew to be trustworthy.  It was a bit presumptuous to assume that the man was ultimately fighting for the other side, but what evidence did they have?  For that matter, what choice did Remus have?  Snape was all too aware of his power over the situation, but this night he chose to keep the snark to a minimum.  His dark eyes flashed as he glided ever so bat-like over to the battered desk where Remus sat.

"Prompt as always Severus, thank you."  He lifted his head to meet eyes only briefly with his fellow professor.  Weak amber eyes met those so black they were icy and cold.  It was no wonder the students feared Snape so, he was little more than a shadow.  He was a force that none understood; though few tried to begin with.  Remus was sure that even Dumbledore was in the dark about much of Snape's inner workings.  Whatever it was within the man, he seemed little more than a bully with a wit so sharp he just might split his dry and cracked lips while telling off some poor, unsuspecting student.  

"I trust you know to drink that directly." The goblet steamed ominously where he had put it atop his stack of quizzes.  A ring of condensation made the parchment soggy, but Snape had no intention of moving them out of harm's way.

"Of course, if you excuse me, I'd prefer to do it alone."  It was a wonder what the full moon did to someone of Remus' affliction.  Each word came out hoarser, and in an attempt to wave Snape off, he found that his arm seemed to weigh about three times more than usual.  The room was sliding in and out of focus, if he had worn glasses, he would have assumed that they needed a good polishing charm.

"Enjoy."

A sharp creek and a crash followed, as the door hammered into its frame once more before reopening slightly.  His arm seemed even heavier, but Remus reached for the goblet and brought it quickly to his lips.  A few drops of potion were tossed over the lip and landed on the wood of the desk, beginning to sizzle and discolor the finish.  The rest of the potion slid down Remus' eagerly quivering throat.  His heart came smashing again and again at his ribcage, threatening to burst forth and out of his chest.  A few small dribbles slid down his neck, tendons all taught with vigor.  In a last ditch effort, he pulled his wand from beneath a stack of half-graded parchment, causing to flutter down to the cold stone floor.  

Remus pointed the wand at the open door and took in a large breath, holding it as he fought for what of his mind he could have before everything took over.  The spell came to him, but as he opened his mouth to speak, a cry erupted in its place.

In that moment, the world went black.

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All that was before him was without color when he awoke, as was customary.  The grays meshed with the blacks and whites.  Each surface was dulled to gray; not silver…they were never silver.  There was no telling how long he had been knocked out.  

Stone floors that would have chilled any bare feet were nothing to the thick pads beneath each of his four paws as he stretched the muscles in his legs.  The room didn't seem the same this time.  There was a different smell; a draft was rippling through the air.  His eyes darted to the door, which was slightly ajar.  

Almost immediately, he pushed his elongated snout through the small crack in the door and saw the whole of Hogwarts opening up to him.  He knew nothing of limitations; he was an animal after all.  There was a certain point where instincts took over.  He padded into the center of the doorway and cast a penetrating gaze down the dark corridor.

Whatever semblance of his being lie within the wolf knew that from the moment he left his office, he was vulnerable.  He was open to anything and everything the castle could throw at him.  That same semblance was trying to hold him back with the knowledge of everything he could throw back at the castle.

Something was still within him, though.  There was no denying it.  Just as the wolf was always a part of him, he was always a part of the wolf.  This feeling of everything wrong and foreign was too much.

_This is wrong, oh so wrong._

A smooth and reassuring voice echoed through his head.  

_I am a man.  Remus Lupin -_Professor- _Remus__ Lupin, appointed by Albus Dumbledore to set an example and teach everything, I've...  _

The voice might as well have not been there.  Soon, he was trotting down the dark hallways, becoming less of a 'he' and more of an 'it'.  Before long, it was sprinting, barreling forward with a freedom it had never experienced before.  The dimly lit torches flew by with increasing speed, becoming little more than brightly colored blurs.  It's a wonder how different running as an animal was from running as a human.  Most full moons were defined by being locked in a room to curl in the corner and be nothing more than a domestic dog.  This was freedom that the beast living inside Remus Lupin had never had.  It was freedom that it should never have had.

_Danger.__  Each moment you're out here, you're putting them all in danger.  _

Faster and faster the wolf ran, and all the while paying no mind to the stairs it ran up and down or the turns it made down corridors that were darker still.  It was all just grays and blacks.  

_It's just below the surface, you know.  You are a killer.  What is there standing between you and a student at this very moment?  _

It panted and ignored that voice constantly ringing through its mind.  There wasn't even a need to rationalize.  No need to know that the only thing standing between it and a student was the fact that all of the students were safely tucked in their little four poster beds for the night.  Not one student who needed to get up bright and early the in next few hours would even think of having his or her eyes open at this hour.  

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**As always, R/R.  Thanks.**


End file.
